I need a new "do"

I'm disturbed. I just found some information that bothered me quite a bit. Some of you may have been aware for a while, and if that's the case, why didn't you tell me!?!
So, there is this show that has been on the air for a while that seems like it's for kids, but really it isn't... it's called the Simpson's and they're into tricking people like that. For instance, people think Bart is the main character. He's not. It's Homer. Anyway, there's this character on there named Ralph Wiggum. Ralph isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. He picks his nose, he says stupid things like "my cat's breath smells like cat food" and "me fail english? That's unpossible." Now maybe you're thinking, "Isaiah, take it easy on the poor kid." I would. I'd think through things like: maybe he wasn't blessed with a very high IQ, but he has other great qualities - like his ability to balance jello jigglers on top of each other. Maybe he'll go far with that. Those guys who put Mentos in 2 liters of diet coke have already been on Letterman. I'd think about his personality and remember the time that he was there for someone when their cat got electrocuted. I'd think through all these things... if he were real. But he's not. He's a character. They want him to be that way.
And this is where I come to my main point... Why are my parents allowing my haircut to look like his? Are they unaware, or is it some cruel joke? Do they think I'm not capable of doing anything about it? Because I'm rolling over now! I'm catching up fast with my motor skills. Soon I'll be cutting my hair myself, like it or not. Which brings me to my second point...

This made me think I should do some research into some more acceptable popular hairstyles... Here are a few I tried. Let me know what you think.
The "Hawk"
The "Superman"
The "Comb-over"
The "Ice"
The "Afro" ... okay, I couldn't quite make this one happen. There seems to be something wrong with the texture of my hair.
The "Macchio"
The "Alfalfa"
The "Feather"
The "Choirboy"

I really wanted to try for a mullet, but the hair on the back of my head keeps rubbing off. Is that a common problem?